'Mr. Man' - Managing Expectations in your Relationships

 
 

Okay. 

So I met a guy a few weeks ago; we'll call him Todd. Without getting into too explicit of detail, let's say that Todd was pretty interested in getting to know me better. Within the first few conversations with him I could tell that his expectations of what was to become of our situation were pretty clear, although he didn't say. He was planning, or hoping, for something more. 

I probably should have walked away then.....

Let me quickly buffer this and say that I was explicitly clear with my intentions in the very beginning of our meeting; I had none. I don't want a relationship, I'm happily single, and I'm extremely busy with me (and being busy wasn't a line...I really have no time. I barely even see my friends and family.)

Long story short, Todd messaged me yesterday to kindly remind me of our tentative hang-out plans that we'd kinda-sorta-but-not-really made a few weeks back. I quickly reminded him that I was super busy and likely wouldn't have time to fulfill that request anytime soon. He wasn't too pleased and made that point painfully clear....

Herein lies my issue... 

I reminded him, as politely as I could, that his expectations were set outside of what I'd explicitly told him I was able to deliver on..... and if he wasn't happy with that, then that's on him, not me. I never once told him, nor intended to give him the impression that I was available. Single, yes. Available, no. 

Was I wrong? Not the way I see it. See, I'll admit that I'm not perfect and that perception is important. However, it's also crucial for us to be able to manage our expectations of new situations when we walk into them. It's not okay to pressure someone into doing something that they've not expressed an interest in.

My suggestion is to greet your new situations with charm, grace, and freedom. Let them manifest themselves as they will. Take things in stride. You own the emotional rights to no one but yourself.

Let me also be clear and say the same thing I've even had to say to myself in the past a thousand times over, "people make time for the things they are most interested in." So. If I were interested in getting to know Todd more, I'd have seen him by now... Lesson learned. *Sips tea*

 

 

Xxxo,

-s